crowdflator

Spill

2007-08-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

I thought I knew anger
I thought I knew hate
I thought I’d lived to some extent
And with my patience moved on.
Little did I know those feelings were so naïve.
That is, until I met you.

Now splices of my fist
Covered in blood
Got me thinking
This might not go away.

I thought I knew anger
I thought I knew hate
Until I met you my precious
My love and playmate.
See my grin
Is now a grimace,
Through my vision of him
Muffled and erased.

What anger I had known
was young and translucent,
allowing some light to enter,
not this time. No, not this time.
This new feeling of hurt begs for insanity,
A reasonable excuse to extend this tragedy.
Now I sit and I revel
Like a child clinging his first sweet.
Clutching it awkwardly but savoring its flavor
Unsure how to devour but undoubtedly will.
I am Ready to spill!
Ready to break,
Ready to rage.
I never felt hate or anger like this
Not until I met you.

Our time and trust, built love
Built lust
Our time and trust, built communication
Built Us.
This time and communication brought trust
Brought revealing.
Which unveiled the crow.

That damn crow returns
To punish me or make real
My deepest fears.
I must deflate, I must deflate the crow.
I am ready to twist and spill and cage
That damned crow!
This time I understand and I will not let go!

It is not your fault.
It is not your fault.
That damn crow I want to bloody
I can’t help but want this.
…Crave this….
I thought I knew anger
I thought I knew hate
But now this.
I fear patience can’t heal this
I want to spill, I want to spill!
Him, not you.
I want to spill him
No. Never you.

I come riding.
To hurt and only hurt.
That crow that took,
From my precious.

Lunar Libration

2007-08-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

It’s been weeks that have passed
Since her waning into darkness
Cold blasting drifts, press upon me
These straining ligaments are mortal.
My patience cannot last forever
If I’m forgotten and left
On top of the surface
Of this dead carcass called earth.
I hold firmly but sweaty,
Low and figure forming,
To fight wind and those who let go.

“Why do you hold, why do you hold”
You ask?

I hold for generations now lost
In the wide open seas
I hold for family and friendship
And passionate reprise

Streaming gray clouds whisk rampant through the sky
Hunting, tracking, sniffing, and mutating any sign of light.
The cold frigid air crystallizes my shuddering breath.
I hide.
I hide, but not from those cloudy monsters.
Only liars and wolves who cheer me down under
Away from my place, away from my grace.

It is here that I belong, it is here that I’ll stay
On the surface gripping tightly
For the new waxing way.
My spirit burns more brightly
With my arrogant dismay.

I hold, I hold, but why do I hold?
I hold from past experience and her cyclical sway,
I hold for newer guidance, that comes no other way.
I hold for hope and reason
To shine light into the gray.

Bloody Mess

2007-08-10T11:23:00.001-07:00

Suddenly this darkness isn’t so subtle,
It parades right through me, laughing and pointing.
I tear and I bite, pulling myself back,
A futile gesture, from the one that escapes even light.

Suddenly this darkness isn’t so friendly,
His glimmer and his twinkle
were built on deceit.
A mad smile of luminous teeth,
A trail of blood at my feet.
I realize it's the others.
The one's I helped bleed.

Suddenly this darkness isn’t so subtle.

Slowly this darkness mocks my belief.
Easing his sickle next to me.
I panic and I quicken my pace of breathing.
His antics are looming, his antics are seething.

Slowly the blade moves closer and twitches
A flick of the wrist and it sinks without me flinching.
My blood runs cold from the fear with which
he embraced me....
We connect and I transfer.
He takes and devours.

Suddenly that darkness isn't so subtle.
What trust I had in that awesome darkness.
He suddenly replies as the lights flicker dimmer,
sweeter than honey and all you could imagine,
yet more brutal and truthful, like cancer and death,
"You--put yourself--
In this bloody mess."

The Abyss

2007-08-02T00:14:00.000-07:00

A Choice,
Abyssal teeth and naked--clothed but hardly warm.
Our only real desire
Is control.

Tired of this clothed but hardly warm state I cry,
“Oh abyss release me!
Release me as I drift away
Into what I want.”

so my heat pulses and fades, reddening
My vision,
A hand of vapor reaches, lifts, and pulls
My body moves forward.
I'm unsure about the unknown.
Entering the gloomy teeth
the gloomy throat
The musky darkness.

Your warm muscles squeezing me in,
first softly like Venus the flytrap
Then voraciously I am consumed.

True warmth as my clothes glide off me
True comfort as I'm hugged on all sides of me
Deeper I slide, into a well of color and confusion
Deeper I ride, into light or growth from darkness.

I scream again, but now different.
“Oh release me but this time
Take me deeper.
It's deeper I fear,
It's deeper I seek.”

"The light here is scary,
In the Belly.
The dark back there was so easy.
Outside."

Control? In here?

The dark vapor beast candled me all the way home.

How odd that the darkness has begotten new light!
That my light I thought had had grown so dim and dark.
Real conscious control,
Is only in the Abyss.

Density Release (My Water Hole)

2007-03-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

It expands, the cloud above.
He who listens near.
Such a thirsty sky.
In love
To whom kneels, lays beside me,
Can I stir in anymore expansion?

Thank you sun for making me!
Blow my body around!
I forgive all people for what’s to be!
Where shall I go?
Big, Columbus like,
In a declining state.
No forest will do me good,

She must be willing.
My blessed water hole.

I can’t handle this!
This expansion grows tense,
Sucking,
An endless supply,
Still I keep flashing!

My crushing signals are close, and long.
The most important decision
To a dense floating cloud.
Who will listen? Who will listen?

Zombification

2007-03-21T00:05:00.000-07:00

Appeasing the broken lonely crowd.
A mass of meat and stoic to the beat.
A mass of hairspray stuck on group-discrete.
You lose your purpose tonight,
By shifting your face to makeup desperate.

Stay,
The beauty of you.
Remain,
To self love and truth.
And claim,
Your wretched twin of youth,
With guns, knives, and blades.

You enter,
A wolf-pack of desperation.
Lambs with signs that say “Eat here!”
Pointing to their chest.
How is emptiness so praised and weighted?
So you empty your innards the go to dance,
Zombie whore who fell for the trance.
Turn back your purple bloody face,
You were never meant to see this place.
Return to your previous existence.
Your first estate and knowledge.

The Knife

2007-01-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

I let you pass a little too deep.
A certain knife I supported on.

You pass my skin,
quickened by my blood.
Scraping my bone,
I did allowed the steel.
Splitting my muscle, open my tissue;
Arriving and breaching my
deepest and thickest vein.

Even Deeper still I helped you in.
Giving instructions to guide you; I sung you in,
To internalize your way; to eternalize your way.
You may be very keen,
To some a nerd, or a freak.
Still my sense is further unseen.

You touched to pierce my intelligence
My true identity,
You pushed against my fences.
And I love you for this.

These roots and branches, this tree.
It is real and not a dream.

I’ll sleep to wake you out of my breast,
You hungry, spark spreading dog.